There are no better people to teach our children about life but us, and as parents, it is not our job to prepare them for the cruel world ahead. Instead, we must mold them into someone who would make the word less cruel!
“Children observe their parents more closely, appraise their parents more carefully, and know their parents better than parents do the child,” wrote Carl E Pickhardt, PhD. “Parents vastly underestimate how closely they are observed and how constantly they are evaluated by their child.”
Having children tends to envelop your entire being with the need to keep those innocent angels from harm, pain, and sadness at all cost. When they eat, you make sure that their food is easy to digest. If they lose their favorite toy, you want to turn the house inside out to find it or buy a replacement immediately. They are not supposed to go out without you or your spouse either since you don’t want to entrust their safety on anybody else.
Nevertheless, parents cannot shield the children from one of the darkest aspects of life: the death of a loved one, e.g., a grandparent, an aunt or uncle, or family pet. It is something you can never hide from a kid, primarily if he or she grew up seeing the deceased relative or animal.
In case you don’t want the kids to harbor grief for too long, there are ways to help them overcome it.
Deliver The News Simply
The first advice is to avoid sugarcoating the news about the family member or pet that passed away. You may be able to do that when having the sex talk with your teenage kids, but it is better to be direct and honest if informing them about something as serious as death.
You cannot foresee how the youngsters will take in the facts. We have seen hardheaded children weep because their loved one died. Other kids who are usually meek can also put on their brave face and choose to believe that the deceased is happy in heaven now, so they don’t have to cry.
Erin Walsh, MA, and David Walsh, PhD, wrote, “[L]earning how to experience, name, and manage emotions is one of the central tasks of childhood and leads to all kinds of good outcomes later in life.” They further said that it is important to normalize multiple feelings in your child. “Remind your child that it is okay to be sad about loss and excited or joyful about something else.”
Share How You Feel
Some kids who develop erratic behavior after learning about the death of a loved one do not always act like that to get your attention. At times, the change comes from their inability to know how to feel or react to what happened.
“Buried grief can bubble to the surface in troublesome ways later on in a person’s life,” says Lara Krawchuk, MSW, LCSW, MPH. That is one reason to speak with your children about your thoughts and emotions related to the situation. She notes, “Showing, by example, can be very powerful because kids will not feel as much pressure to protect other grieving loved ones or hide or bury their true emotions.”
Let them know that you are sad, that you will miss the deceased terribly. However, you better emphasize that while you are unhappy right now, you know that you can overcome the gloom if you do it together.
Maintain Stability At Home
Even among adults, the grieving process takes forever to end when your days revolve around remembering what or who you lost. Say, instead of going back to work, you only want to stay close to the dead person or animal’s bed. You stop going to gatherings you used to love because you worry that it might still be too early for you to enjoy your life, although half a year already passed.
If your goal is to keep your children from dealing with grief for too long, you ought to get them back in their daily routine right after the funeral. Don’t let them skip school; bring them to sports practices. This way, they can regain a sense of stability and accept the death faster.
Answer Their Questions
Of course, an unexpected loss of a beloved tends to make a child wonder about a million things. For example, “Where will the deceased go?” “What will happen to the body?” “Will the dead go to heaven?”
You are talking to a kid, so there’s no need to be very graphic with your replies. To reassure him or her that the deceased is now in a better place, though, you should supply honest answers to their queries whenever you can. “One of the difficulties for a parent is that they are learning as well,” wrote Phyllis R. Silverman, PhD. “They need to translate the experience of mourning into age appropriate language their children can understand in order to become the teachers their children need.”
Losing someone is challenging to overcome for people of all ages. You will never see the person or pet you loved so dear, regardless if you believe in reincarnation or not. The things you could have done together can no longer happen. Nevertheless, telling a child about the death and waiting for their reaction may give you a new perspective on how to handle grief.
As a mom, there is nothing you want but all the best for your children. As much as possible, you want to provide them with a good life wherein they will continuously feel immense happiness and joy. You do not want them to experience difficulty in the different aspects of their lives. All these are only normal because being a caring and loving mom is innate to every woman.
Regardless of all the efforts exerted to make everything perfect, your teens will still encounter some shortcomings. When this happens, the ideal thing to do is to be supportive. Make them feel that you will always be on their side no matter what happens. Most importantly, find a way immediately on how they could get the help they need.
One of the recent issues that have been talked about by several moms all over the word is whether or not online therapy is suitable for teenagers. There have been several debates over this matter because some people believe that the young adolescents must not be exposed to online counseling. While there are tons of sound arguments against this kind of practice, there is also a high number of teens claiming that they became better because of online therapy.
Below is a list of the top reasons why online therapy is considered as suitable for teenagers:
Open Up Quickly
People who are between the ages of thirteen and twenty are in a stage in their lives where they want to explore the endless possibilities available to them. The problem now is that some of them are hesitant to open up or talk about their issues. In fact, many teenagers prefer to confide to their peers than to parents. This dilemma is well addressed with the availability of online therapy. With the presence of an online counselor, your teens will become more motivated to talk about what is bothering them. “Face-to-face interactions through a video screen make empathy possible even though we may be thousands of miles apart,” says Joseph Burgo, Ph.D.
Comfort In The Internet
In this age in technology, the Internet is considered as the comfort for most teens. Many depressed adolescents prefer to go online to entertain themselves or to divert their attention to something better. Now is the right time to make good use of the Internet connection at home. “When you’re having struggles with your mental health, it can feel very isolating and personal to you, and you want to figure that stuff out on your own first before the interventions of the people that care about you…,” says Haesue Jo, LMFT. “The discrete nature and private venue that we are able to provide is something that’s appealing for a lot of people.” Let your child see an online counselor so that he could get the support and assistance of a therapist through the virtual environment.
Affordability For The Family
A significant factor to take into consideration here is the budget of the household. There are many items that your family needs to pay on a monthly basis. This is the reason why it is significant to always cut down on your expenses. “A yellow pages listing is expensive so a lot of good people aren’t there,” says Elvira G. Aletta, Ph.D., “Plus there is no oversight or regulation of who can list.” Luckily, online therapy will not be a problem. This is because the fees collected from clients are highly affordable. Since there are lesser administrative costs on the part of the online therapist, they already can charge less for the services or other professional engagements.
Once you find out that your teenagers are in a bad place right now, be sure to remain calm. Never give up in showing them the light to the right path.
A lot of children go through a stage in which they only eat what they want, not what’s right for their health. My brood experienced that too; in fact, my eldest had a habit of dissecting every ingredient in his food during his toddler years. Sometimes I’d be able to coax the little boy to eat whatever’s on the table, but there are days as well when he’d sweet-talked me into giving him fries or pizza. (Oops!)
Silence is essential not just for writers but every parent out there. There are no noises to distract you; that’s why it’s effortless to remember every chore you need to do. You can also enjoy your favorite drink and think of other worthwhile activities you may do with the whole family without feeling hurried.
I love every furniture in our humble abode. Some of them were gifts from our wedding over a decade ago, while I picked the others with my husband the moment our dream house came to reality. They have sentimental values, in other words, so we try to preserve them in their natural state for as long as possible.
There are three things I realized years after I had my first-born. First, every kid is so different even if they came from the same set of parents. Second, it’s hard to discipline them all the same way. Third, dealing with a tantrum doesn’t get easier despite having more children.
But speaking with other mamas in and out of our community gave me an idea that you can calm your kid without having a tantrum yourself. Find out how that can happen below. The crying part is still OK because you can then carry the baby and sway him or her in your arms. But once the child drops on the floor of a public place, e.g., mall or sidewalk, and just lies down there while shedding tears, sometimes you just want to weep beside them too. I know that feeling since I was tempted to do that many times.